The joke’s on us…Not!

I just dug this out of one of the digital piles of detritus cluttering up my computer. It’s still moderately amusing, but I especially like it because the punch line has been obsolete since 2004.

Three weeks to pitchers and catchers! It’s snowing like crazy out there today, but balmy zephyrs, green grass, and radio nights with the Sox are just around the corner.

  • 60° F: Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in New England sunbathe.
  • 50° F: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. People in New England plant gardens.
  • 40° F: Italian and English cars won’t start. New Englanders drive with the windows down.
  • 32° F: Distilled water freezes. Maine’s Moosehead Lake’s thickens.
  • 20° F: Floridians don fur coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats. New Englanders wear unbuttoned flannel shirts.
  • 15° F: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.
  • 0° F: All the people in Miami die. New Englanders close the windows.
  • 10° below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. New England Girl Scouts are selling cookies door to door.
  • 25° below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. People in New England get out their winter coats.
  • 40° below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.
  • 100° below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. New Englanders get frustrated because they can’t start their “kahs.”
  • 460° below zero: Absolute zero on the Kelvin scale. All atomic motion stops. People in New England start saying…“Cold ’nuff for ya?”
  • 500° below zero: Hell freezes over. The Red Sox win the World Series.

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